I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what truly scares me, and I’ve come to realize that one of my greatest fears is getting old and realizing I’ve done nothing significant with my life.
That I’ve wasted years on trivial things or poured my energy into people who, in the grand scheme of things, didn’t really matter. That I clung to what didn’t serve me, spent too much time chasing what wasn’t important, and let my precious years slip away.
When I’m 80, I want to look back and know that I left a positive impact on the world—not in some grand, flashy way, but in the lives I’ve touched. I want to remember that I made a difference; that my existence meant something beyond just surviving. I don’t want to see a selfish life that only served me.
I want to have lived fully, to have traveled, explored different cultures, and gathered experiences that shaped me. But above all, I want to live a life that aligns with my values. A life that God approves of.
And yet, despite this deep conviction, I wrestle with fears that try to strangle me. Fear of failure. Fear of being hurt. Fear of disappointment. Fear of rejection. And paradoxically, fear of success—of what it might require, of the responsibility it brings, of the possibility that I might mislead others or unintentionally cause harm.
I acknowledge these fears. I don’t pretend they don’t exist. Because the only way to truly deal with something, to heal from it, is to face it head-on.
So here’s How I’m Fighting Back
1. Praying—A Lot
There are days when fear feels incredibly overwhelming. And in those moments, I cling to God’s promises. It’s not always easy. In fact, sometimes it feels impossibly hard. But He never promised an easy journey—only that He would walk with me through it. That’s enough for me to keep going.
Have you been trying to face your struggles alone? Maybe it’s time to lean into faith to find strength beyond yourself. If you’re feeling lost, start with a simple prayer. Even if you don’t know what to say, just speak from the heart.
2. Focusing on What Truly Matters
Right now, my children are the most important part of my life. My family comes second only to God. When I make choices that prioritize their future, I feel a sense of peace. I want to know that I chose what mattered, not just what seemed rewarding in the moment.
What truly matters to you? Are you prioritizing it? It’s easy to get caught up in the noise of life, but take a step back and ask yourself: If I continue on this path, will I be proud of where I end up?
3. Healing My Past Traumas
My upbringing was rough—an abusive mother, an absent father. The scars run deep, and I know healing will be a long journey. Maybe even lifelong. But I refuse to let my past dictate my future. I’m learning to identify my triggers and to separate trauma responses from my true personality. It’s hard, but I am committed. Because my children deserve a mother who is whole, not one who passes down her unresolved pain.
What parts of your past are still holding you hostage? Are there patterns you keep repeating because they feel familiar, even when they hurt? Healing takes time, but awareness is the first step. Don’t be afraid to seek help, journal, or simply sit with your feelings instead of running from them.
4. Learning to Let Go
This one? This is hard. For years, I’ve defined myself by loyalty. It’s been a core part of my identity. But that same loyalty has kept me tied to people, places, and situations long after I should have walked away. Letting go has felt like betrayal—like hypocrisy. But I’m learning that growth requires release. My past does not define me. I choose who I become.
Is there something—or someone—you need to let go of? Holding on out of obligation or fear won’t bring you peace. Ask yourself: Is this situation helping me grow, or is it keeping me stuck?
5. Practicing Forgiveness—For Others and Myself
I come from a family where issues get swept under the rug. Where resentment lingers beneath the surface, unspoken but ever-present. That way of living poisons relationships. It makes you skeptical of everyone, always waiting for the next betrayal.
So, I’m choosing to forgive. Not because the hurt wasn’t real, but because I refuse to be chained to the pain of the past. I used to think forgiveness excused the harm done, but I now realize it frees me.
Related: How to Forgive: Steps to Letting Go and Finding Peace
And just as I forgive others, I must also forgive myself. I made choices—some hurt me, some hurt others—but I made them with the knowledge I had at the time. Many were simply out of survival. That doesn’t mean I have to stay trapped by them. I can let go. I can make peace. I can reconcile where possible and accept where reconciliation is not.
Who do you need to forgive? Maybe it’s a parent, a friend, or even yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting—it means refusing to let pain have power over you anymore. Don’t let past wounds rob you of future joy.
6. Taking Chances and Believing in Myself
Fear will always be there. But if I’m going to become the woman God has called me to be, I can’t let fear dictate my choices. I don’t always feel confident, but my values will fuel me. The woman I am today is shaping the woman I am becoming. And that woman? She chooses faith over fear.
To share a quote from my upcoming book, Don’t Die Broke: Your Step-by-Step Guide to the Life You Desire:
“The only way to break free from a life you don’t want is to be brutally honest about where you are, crystal clear about where you want to go, and fearless enough to do the work to get there.”
Don’t Die Broke: Your Step-by-Step Guide to the Life You Desire by Alicia Francis-Gow
What have you been putting off because of fear? What dream have you buried under doubt? I know it’s scary, but stop waiting for the perfect moment—it will never come. Take one small step today, and let momentum build from there.
You Are Not Alone
None of this is easy. And I won’t pretend I have it all figured out. But I know that every step forward matters. Every moment of clarity, every small act of courage—it all adds up.
If you wrestle with these same fears, know this: You are not alone. It might feel that way sometimes, but you’re not the only one trying to break cycles, trying to heal, trying to live a life of meaning.
We are in this together. And we will keep pushing forward—one step at a time. I’m rooting for you.
-Lis
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